Release and Let Go

How often do you hear the words, "just let it go" and find yourself going, if I knew how to do that, don't  you think I would?  If it was that easy, don't you think I would have, was always running through my mind.  Then it it hit me....maybe I don't want to let it go.  Maybe I like having the worry, or the sickness or all the possessions of my past.  

Oh, boy, now, I opened another aspect of myself that needed reviewing. All of those things centered around being in control, and to release that --- Okay, now it is getting scary. I was quite comfortable and actually really good at control and worrying, being sick and holding on. Yeah, I am not sure, I really want to release all of that.

So, I didn't and BOOM- the universe in her wisdom continued to bring messages- MANY MESSAGES some small and not real noticeable and then the consequences started getting larger and larger and soon, well lets just say, I had choices to make.

Letting go is a phrase we hear everywhere today and if you are like I was in the beginning, it made little sense.  I remember reading an article about letting go and the author shared a story about being outside in the frigid weather all hunched up and a friend suggested she relax her body and breathe into the cold rather than fighting it.  Hmm, this made so much sense to me as I dislike the cold and was always shrugging my shoulders, tightening my body and doing all I could to escape it.  Not that it ever worked, but hey, I was in control.  

Breathing- something we do every day.  

Yesterday while lying on the massage table, having my shoulder worked on, I felt my body tightening as the pain was so intense.  Immediately, I began to take in a huge breath and slowly let it out, even before the massage therapist began to speak.  As the breath began to leave me, I could feel the blood rushing into the area, could feel the pain subsiding and with the abilities of the therapist, the tissues softened and began to release.  That is letting go.

The exhalation breath is the letting go.  It is the allowing.  It is the being in the flow.  In being in control or holding our breath, we are in a protective state.  We are stuck or stagnant.  Both normally coming from a place of fear.

No matter what we are holding on to- control, worry, possessions, or relationships, most likely are the result of stuck emotions that have nowhere to go and stagnate and sooner or later cause pain, suffering and possibly disease.

The only way I know that works with stuck, buried or stagnated emotions is to face them.  Scan your body, what does your stomach feel like when you are in pain or worrying?  As I laid on the table yesterday, I had no doubt what my shoulder felt like. It was like a rock, not moving and causing my whole body to clench.  So, I chose to breathe in and exhale. I allowed the shoulder to open, and to be with the experience.

After the massage as the emotions were stirring, it would have been so easy to go do something to distract.  Instead, I went to a quiet place where I would be alone and settled in.  I chose yoga to be my teacher.  I began bringing awareness to my body and chose a pose that I could easily support in the space I was in, allowed me to open my chest and drop my shoulders.  I used blankets to sit on to increase my height to open my hips and release my back as I lengthened.  I was opening up, breathing in and ensuring, I was not holding anything in. I visualized white light flowing through my body relaxing, healing, accepting the gifts being given. 

I made a change- I did something that was freeing to my body.  I was changing patterns.  I was allowing a new way of being.  I was honoring the mind-body- spirit connection.

. I was letting light into my wound, allowing the acceptance to begin.  As I sat with the pose, just breathing in and out to it, awareness of the issue came into clarity.  I was able to see where months ago, I overlooked or bypassed a message given and as pain has been a teacher for a long time, the pain had begun back then.  I ignored it for a bit, then addressed it, or so I thought.  AHA- the key word- THOUGHT.  This isn't about thinking, it is about feeling.  Yes, I know this, and at times I am able to stay in the feeling place and flow in life.   Yet, I also accept my humanness and sometimes, my old friend control comes back into play.

This wound was about control and what became apparent was it appeared differently this time.  Yet, it was still all about control.  As I sat in my pose yesterday, there was no guilt, no blame, just acceptance.  I saw the issue or problem for what it was.  I fully embraced it, and loosened my hold.  I chose to release it and let it go.

As I was driving to my next appointment, I found myself in the local drug store buying bubbles.  Yes, bubbles.  As I left the store, I opened the bottle, pulled out the wand and took a deep breath and blew.  In releasing the bubbles, I was releasing the control.  I was also laughing and laughing and deep in me, I could feel my inner child, smiling.  She knew it was time for some fun.

Life is so much easier when I release and let go.