Often, we live most of our lives with meanings from childhood all around us, "be a good girl", "to succeed you have to do or be this or that", "you have to work hard at everything" and many more. Through the years, you become all that conditioning and somewhere you have lost yourself. In time you will be challenging the image of who you have told you are and who others 'think' you should be. From experience, I will say, you will go to some dark places and be way off your path. Truthfully, you have lost your authentic self and the journey back depending on how long you wait, may bring along days of being uncomfortable.
Many our living a life based on the influences around them. In so many ways becoming sheep, following and becoming what others thought they should be. Deep inside there is a constant message of needing to do more, be better, find something new.... all leading to anger and self-loathing.